Yes, I watch The Bachelor. I am one of those girls-the ones that are glued to
the tv EVERY Monday night hoping to watch a “fairytale” love story. Go
ahead, make fun of me, I know people have their opinions. However, I feel the need to share some of the
things I’ve learned while watching relationships unfold on reality
shows.
First of all, I think it is totally possible to watch The
Bachelor with an unrealistic mindset.
It can create unrealistic expectations in girls of Love being an
“over the top and always sunshine and roses” experience, which is far from the reality. Girls (and guys too) get sucked into this
“romance” and think that love is only a “good feeling” and
“happiness.” I know that THIS is so SO wrong.
As a Christian, I
watch this show with a different lens. I’m not watching the Bachelor for relationship advice or relationship
expectations, in contrast, I see the false beliefs that the world has on
what LOVE truly is. I see girls who are looking to be made complete, find fulfillment
and even understand their purpose in life by being in relationship with another
person. Unfortunately, these things can only be found
in a relationship with JESUS. Watching
girls seek these things in the wrong way reminds me of the TRUTH that I
know. I see how broken they are and how
much they value a PERSON as being the ultimate
prize. It is like watching a “Love
story” I don’t want to emulate. Sometimes you learn from seeing things done right, and other times you learn from
seeing things done wrong.
Obviously when I watch
it I have to be careful that my thoughts remain pure and that my heart doesn’t
get sucked into these lies that we are meant to believe. When I
recognize my heart is drifting, I have stopped watching completely. I’ve skipped a few seasons when my heart
needed some distance. I am aware that
different things cause different Christians to “stumble.”
Last year during a sermon at my church in Wilmore, the
Pastor told us that God is LOVE, but sometimes we question God’s actions
because they are not “Loving” (using OUR definition of what we THINK Love
is). However, if God is the VERY
DEFNITION OF LOVE, then it is our definition that is failing, NOT God.
One of the things I see while watching The Bachelor is how
many times the women say, “He makes me happy.”
Yes, you should be happy with the person you fall in love with, BUT
happiness is a feeling based on circumstances (as opposed to joy). It also emphasizes a selfish motive- Him/Her is supposed to make me happy. That
is why we are in love.
This is what the World tries to find in “love.” This is not what I want out of a
relationship. My must haves?! Let's see here...must tolerate pink, does not snore, likes cereal (but doesn't eat it all!), and can be my personal "hot hands" or space heater...ok, maybe this is just wishful thinking haha!
THIS is what I hope and pray for:
I want my heart to be so overflowing with love for Jesus that out of abundance my
heart has the capacity to love others (not
just a “significant other”). I want a relationship in which both my partner
and I are looking to serve one
another, not satisfy a deep longing for fulfillment. That place of purpose will remain exclusively
for God in both of our hearts. The
center of the relationship will not be based on feelings or physical intimacy,
but will be built on the foundation of our Christian beliefs and God’s desires
in our lives. There WILL be storms, but our relationship will remain strong
because our commitment is not based on a feeling,
it is based on truth.
I am very much single.
And to the world, that means, “searching
for Mr. Right.”
Too bad my heart has already found its true lover.
I pray for my “future husband” often-and marriage is something
that I desire. I wouldn’t say that I am
actively searching, in fact, I’m more like “hiding” at this time in life. The last few years I have experienced a lot
of personal growth and I needed to do some serious soul searching alone.
I went through a lot of hard time both physically and mentally, and
honestly the ability to serve a
partner at this time would have been tough-I could barely care for myself.
I know that life will always have challenges, so there will not be a
“perfect moment,” but I also know that if I had been in a relationship a few
years ago, the focus would have been on me
and my goals out of the relationship would have been selfish. I have never been in a
relationship, and I know that some girls may loose self-worth and
self-confidence during this time of waiting.
Instead of feeling anxious or questioning my worth, I thank God for protecting my heart in this time of
waiting.
“I don’t
have the time to waste on the wrong guy, but I have all the time in the world
to wait for the right guy.”
(I’m not sure where I
found this quote, but I liked it…)
I also pray that if singleness is what God has for me-then I
will be content and that God would gently shift the desires of my heart for
what HE has in his plan. As hard as it
can be sometimes, I must surrender my
hopes and my dreams while trusting Him.
