What I Deserve

When I was in high school, I struggled to understand why I was born in to a life of material wealth while there are SO many in the world who are born into EXTREME poverty.  In way, it frustrated me, and I started to question God and his “goodness.”  After all, it wasn’t fair by my standard…and God follows MY standards, right?!  Absolutely NOT!

This was one of many “road-blocks” in my walk as a Christian.  I often failed to “let GOD be GOD.”  I looked at Him like any other person-needing to earn MY trust and JUSTIFY himself to me.  If it didn’t make sense to ME, it didn’t make sense. Period.  (Wow even typing that seems ridiculous to me…)

My life is filled with blessings…blessings that I have become SO incredibly accustomed to.  I never worry if there will be food on my plate, and there is always a roof over my head. These “basics” would be unimaginable to the world’s poorest people.  Almost half the world — over three billion people — live on less than $2.50 a day.          

The other day I was convicted that I’ve become entitled to these things…and more.  I can't remember exactly what thoughts went through my head, but I know I was driving and thought, "whoooaa girl, you are feeding yourself lies right now."  I also find myself giving credit of my success to myself.  I have always prided myself in working hard.  I might not be the smartest or have the most talent, but I will try to “out-work” anyone.  Often hard work goes a long way, but it doesn’t mean I deserve anything.  For example, I do not deserve to go to college because I studied and got good grades in high school.  It is a gift and a privilege to further my education in hopes of serving God through the vocation He has called me to.  I am in NO way deserving, I am blessed.

Living in the culture we do, thankfulness has to become intentional.  We are always reminded how much we don’t have and how much we should have because we deserve it. It is hard not to fall into these traps and lies.  We must constantly put the lens of “gratitude” over our hearts.

So how did I break down the wall that questioned God and his distribution of material blessings?  Honestly, it had to do with the “faith” part of our “Christian Faith.” I don’t know why God has given me what he has compared to others.  BUT, it is not my job to Know.  Sound familiar?!  (If you read my last post you get this haha!).  My job is to be the best steward of the blessings and resources I have received from Him.  It's still a "work-in-progress," and I'm often trying to figure out exactly what that means in my life.  

Notice I wrote, “the blessing and resources” not “my blessing and resources.”  After all, we are stewards, NOT owners. He gives and He takes away. 

What have I done to deserve this life? 

The answer is NOTHING.

What do I really deserve?

The answer is DEATH. 

This is truly what I deserve.  I have sinned.  I have fallen short of perfection.  I have failed to follow God’s commandments.  My guilt SHOULD condemn me to an eternity in Hell. 

PRAISE JESUS I DON’T HAVE TO RECEIVE WHAT I DESERVE.  Instead my Savior intercedes on my behalf and I am bought with the precious blood of Christ.  My debt has been paid! My guilt is no more!