Thursday, April 20, 2017

Boston Marathon Recap


Running the Boston Marathon was not a dream I really had...until I qualified in the fall of 2015.  What was just a "cool achievement" then has come to mean SO much more to me now.  In the past few weeks, I have realized that this race is not just a race or a time standard...it's an amazing experience.



PS-
If you want to read about my qualification race click here
My thoughts and journey leading up to the Boston Marathon click here
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OK!
Let's start from the beginning because half the "battle," "excitement," "whatever you want to call it"  is in simply GETTING to the starting line!! Can I get an AMEN?! (All you racers understand this!) Every time I race I have the strange idea that things will just go smoothly.  I'll be prepared and everything else will just happen the "way it's supposed to."  When will I finally give up this dream?!

On Saturday morning my mom and I scrambled to get our last things packed.  I had everything needed for a successful trip: Caffeine and some deep/thought-provoking "literature!" ;)


Mom had a little issue with her sun chips...The bag expanded in the air and popped when she opened them and the flight attendant freaked out a little.  It would sound scary if you didn't know they were just chips!

 We had a direct flight (YAY!) and arrived in Boston around 5pm.  When we arrived at the hotel (about a 20 min drive from the airport), we went right to the front desk to ask about transportation to the race start.  This is when I met Heather and Lee, two other racers asking the same question at the same time.  The hotel did not have a shuttle service, but they would arrange a town car to drive us directly to the start so we wouldn't have to go into the city to come back out...extra 2 hours of travel...ummm NO thank you!  We decided to share a town car so the cost would be less (25 dollars a person).  We exchanged info (it's crazy how trusting you are of people you just meet when you find out you're racing haha!) and had the town car arranged for 8:30 am.  Heather was in wave 2 and Lee and I were in wave 3, so this was early enough for us all to be there on time.  Problem solved...right?!

Next mom and I went to TJ Maxx (like the BEST TJ Maxx EVERRRR)  to get some "throw away" clothing for waiting for the race start.  Mom and I had SO much fun looking for the tackiest clothing in clearance.  I've never laughed so hard in a TJ Maxx!


Then we went to chipotle across the street to fulfill my major taco craving and headed back to the hotel to get some sleep.  Unfortunately the sleep did not last long and the fire alarms started going off at 2 AM!  We had to run outside (duck pjs and all!) to wait for the all clear.  I was not happy coming back in:


It was funny the next day talking with others about the alarm and all the runners brought their running things out with them...typical athlete. Think about race gear before yourself in the event of an emergency haha!

Sunday we needed to go to the race expo-that was the only thing on the agenda that day.  First we had breakfast...those potatoes...YUMMMM!


It was a beautiful day and I wasn't even cold!! We took the train downtown and got off near the expo center.  Let me tell you, it was a CRAZY place.  (side note: a few days before coming here I mentioned that I'm not really a crowd-loving person...and someone told me, "Kim, you know you're running THE Boston marathon, right?! Good luck with that!" haha!)



I only went through about half of the Expo before being too overwhelmed, so I got my bib number, a few goodies, and headed out to see the finish line that I would hopefully be crossing the next day! (PS-I call the celebration Boston jacket "cool kid jacket" because you put it on and become popular among the runners haha!)




Free sunglasses and signing the #Boston at the finish line!



It was SOOO cool.  My mom said she got chills just looking at the finish line.  By now I was starting to grasp just how much of a "big deal" this really was and I wanted to soak it all in! We didn't stay too long since we had a long day on Monday, so we got back to the hotel mid afternoon.  When we got back we had a message on our phone that Heather canceled our town car.  Then we heard from 2 other athletes that there was a shuttle to the race after all.   Whaaa?? We went to talk to the front desk to figure out what the heck is going on...and Lee happened to be there too.  We found that the town car drivers had arranged there own "shuttle" apart from the hotel, but they would take us in vans.  Heather had signed us all up to be on one that left at 8 AM. She left a full message, but we only got half of it.  Phew...what a relief! You pay all this money and spend so much energy to BE HERE you want to have SOLID plans about getting to the race, right?!

That night we went to Olive Garden for some pre-race carbo loading!

After watching a few episodes of House Hunters, we went to bed and I had a GREAT night sleep.  Knowing that I would not need to get up until 7:30 made it a LOT less stressful.  I slept really well not stressing too much about the race-whatever happens will happen! Clearly I'm a super intense athlete ;)

At 8am all three of us were out waiting for the town car.  It was already getting hot. What was forecasted to be 63 degrees a few days ago suddenly became 74 degrees :/  Poop to the scoop!

Heather, Lee and I ready to leave:



We arrived to a parking lot a few miles away from "Athlete's Village" (aka porta potty mecca!) to load a school bus to get there.  IT was INSANE.  SO many people.  I stood in line for a porta potty for an hour-chatting with 2 people behind me.  Then I had about 15 minutes until my wave was called to walk to the starting corals.  I wasn't sure if I could bring my water bottle and such with me, so I asked a random girl next to me.  She happened to be in the same wave and corral number as me and we hit it off right away.  Her name was Rachel and we talked about how nervous we were and how clueless we felt.  Then we talked about our families and our "joy" about everyone tracking us at home ;)  We stuck together walking to the corrals and to the starting line freaking out the entire way and calming each other down!

The moment had come!  My eyes started to water as I thought about how exciting it all was.  The gun went off and we were this huge mass of runners heading out for a 26.2 (26.48 in reality!) journey to Boston.  I was in the second corral, and I kind of felt trampled a little bit.  It was really hard to be moving and keep your own pace in the beginning because everyone was so close.  I was surrounded by people running the ENTIRE time. Looking forward all you could see was a huge mass of runners--for the ENTIRE time.  To be honest this was really overwhelming to me (someone who only ran a marathon with 200 other peeps!).  Wednesday we went to Quincy Market and when I walked in I just saw a crowd of people moving in a row similar to my view during the whole marathon.  I started to panic and told my mom we needed to get out. It ended up taking me about 30 min to calm down and my heart to stop racing.  We're hoping the marathon just triggered a temporary crowd anxiety.

I knew that I needed to keep my first 10 or so miles very very relaxed and easy, so that's what I tried to do (key word: tried).  I really didn't look at my watch too much for the first 10ish miles.  I just tried to run "what felt good" (hey this "strategy" got me to Boston, so it must not be too bad, right?!).  I drank a sip of gatorade every other mile and it seemed to be settling with me ok (key word: seemed).  I think more gatorade went up my nose than in my mouth haha!  

The course was a lot more "rolling hills" than I was anticipating.  The whole course was up and down (at least it felt that way to someone who runs FL flat, which is is different kind of flat!).  The miles were flying by--one by one.  But around mile nine I started to have a feeling that something was not right.  My stomach started to feel "off," but I tried not to panic.  My legs still felt fairly good, so I just tried to relax and ease off the gatorade.  Unfortunately by mile 14 it was too little too late. I was doubled over in stomach pain/cramping.  I could not stand up straight.  It hurt so bad.  I wanted to be done.  I was hating myself for signing up for this..after all it is OPTIONAL.  I tried slowing down, walking, switching to water, but I was miserable.    I'll never forget walking to the side to puke and this spectator said, "It's ok. You got this. Enjoy this!" I probably looked at him like he had 2 heads...

Being in so much pain made it hard to enjoy the last 10 miles, but every time I felt that I couldn't move, that I didn't want to move, all I had to do was look at the people around me cheering and I knew that I would NOT give up no matter WHAT! People were so amazing. Entire towns of people stood at the side lines--many having all kinds of food/drinks for runners (oranges, popsicles, water).  I didn't partake in any of it..except for a piece of watermelon..couldn't resist that ;) And of course there were plenty of signs like "smile if you're not wearing underwear" haha!  My mom was around mile 18 I think...I didn't see her, but she caught a quick pic of me (I'm in the white hat):

By mile 23 I had slow down and walked enough that I could maintain a slow slooooww jog to the finish.  This is when the crowds were SO SO big.  I can't even describe it..but I heard on the radio that  half a million people were there watching us run.  This is when you get a lot of "you're almost there!"  Which is something you SHOULD NEVER EVER tell a runner...I want to punch those people in the face to be honest.  Being close is not being done! I know they mean well, but at that point you are SOOO over it.  Your body is SOOO over it.  You're seriously questioning your sanity to voluntarily sign up and even PAY for this kind of torture.

Soon I was running past the famous "Citgo" sign about a mile from the end.  The crowds were SO loud screaming at us.  People lined the streets at least 4-5 people deep.  Many of us picked up the pace and ran with everything we had left.

Soon I was turning the corner and could see the finish line. Three blocks...just three blocks...I looked to my right and saw a huge stand of spectators sitting in bleacher-type rows.  The memory is burned in my mind and is a moment that will stay with me.  I was about to finish the BOSTON marathon!  Something that I qualified for over a year and a half prior to this date.  Everything coming to this moment.  I crossed the finish line with my hands in the air! (Photo from this year finish line!)

When we finished we walked to get our medal.  As it was placed around my neck I said, "It's all about the hardware" haha!  Then I had to walk about a mile past the finish line to finally get out of the barricaded area into the public streets again.  There was food and water and yada yada but I didn't want anything, all I wanted was to get out of there.  I wanted to SHOWER for goodness sake!! 

I borrowed a stranger's phone (I mean how threatening can a sweaty girl in a foil blanket be?!) and called my mom to determine that I would walk back another 2 miles to get to the T station and we would meet there.  I was thrilled to have to keep walking...not! But on my walk to the station the spectators' cheering did not end just because my race on the course was over.  I cannot even tell you how many people gave me a high five, said congrats, etc.  Even 20 people sitting outside in a group stopped what they were doing to give me a round of applause as I walked by!  Talk about humbling!  I've never felt so much ENCOURAGEMENT from strangers! I felt a little "thankless" since I just quietly mustered up a quick "thanks," but I was just so tired at that point and everything in me wanted to sit down. 

Long story short (because this is already pretty lengthy!), it ended taking 2 hours to get from the finish line back to the hotel.  I also had to walk up the up and down the stairs in the station TWICE due to meeting confusion with the mother! GRRRR :(  Actually I wouldn't use the word walk..I would say hobbled.  I ended up chatting with someone on the train who had a similar race experience to mine.  He said a lot of people were cramping up...He came in with a sub 3:00 marathon and finished in a 3:45 that day.  I added about 45 mins as well to my 3:30 time.  I'm not sure if it was the heat since I train in 80 degrees year round, I'm thinking it was more the hills (maybe the jerky stop and going to get water and such?).  Maybe I drank too much? These are just things to learn from I guess...Being someone that has only run 2 marathons before and doesn't have much to base their experience on (excluding Ironman marathon..which I call a "Good luck putting your legs in a blender to then run a marathon" marathon), it was helpful to know that more experienced runners found it hard too.  I guess I've had a "life is awesome" marathon and a "kill me now" marathon!

After the race my stomach was waaayyy too upset to really stomach anything. Even days later it is not "happy" yet.  My mom got me a sandwich, but after a few bites it was just too much.  I ended up eating a smoothie, Starbucks hot chocolate, and twizzlers...not sure why twizzlers went down ok??..weird.


As you can see, it was QUITE an experience and it was SO worth it.  The next day an old woman on the train saw my Boston jacket. Let's be honest--I'm not taking it off anytime soon ;) Anyway, with tears in her eyes she told me "Thank you for running the marathon...it makes us stronger."  WOW!  That hit me hard.  I never thought that running a marathon would "build up" a community, but after the tragic bombings a few years ago, the fact that this tradition and legacy continues (STRONGER than ever!) is what makes this city Boston Strong. We had a moment of silence for the victims before the start and by running we honor and remember them.   We don't let fear or acts of terror dictate our lives...

No more than 24 hours post race I am already being asked when I am doing another one.  "Another one?! I'll get back to you when I can walk and sit down normal again!" Seriously though, this race has been much anticipated for a looonnngg time, so I'm not just "switching gears" or moving on right away.  First I need to rest/recover and then I can see where my head and heart is in all this.  More running races? More triathlon races? Distances?  I'm really not sure..and that's ok.  I do hope to try and swim more consistently again.  I have been in the water 1x since surgery when I was cleared and I've definitely lost a lot of strength.  So that's the only thing that's kind of on my radar I guess.  Anyway, right now I just want to celebrate everything that has happened and the hard work that was done the past few months :)


Monday, April 10, 2017

Boston Bound?!


First of all, YES it has been a loooonnnngg time since I've posted anything. For legal reasons, I am limited in what I am able to share.  Soon I hope to share much of what has been going on.  Until then, with Boston just around the corner, here's a little bit of my "marathon training" journey the past few months...



When people find out I'm running the Boston marathon, they naturally assume that I am this "serious" runner.  I am always quick to say that "I don't consider myself much of a runner and I have no clue what I'm doing!" TRUE story.  Not denying that I CAN run, it's just not my primary sport...I probably consider myself primarily a triathlete--what indecisive people "decide" because it's 3 sports, not one ;) 


Anyway...Preparing for this season of marathon training was a challenge.  I have VERY little experience planning a season of “running only” training.  The only marathon (click here) I’ve done was about 8 weeks of training---which I basically just tacked on the end of half-ironman training season when I was already running about 15 miles on long days. BUT knowing that I would be running on one of the most inspiring stages running has to offer: the BOSTON marathon, my desire to plan a successful training cycle was fueled even more. 

After taking about a month off of training at the conclusion of Ironman training/racing (still somewhat active, but nothing formal or “Garmin necessary”), I started to think about marathon training.  For a few weeks I just thought…Thought about how long my cycle should be, how many days a week, what my goal paces should be, what mileage should I start and peak at, etc.  I also decided to try out a slightly more supportive shoe (New Balance 860) for long runs-while still using my Mizuno Wave Inspire's for fast intervals as well as racing. Both have a 10mm heel to toe drop and both are supportive for overpronators like me.  The Mizuno's are just more lightweight and less cushion (I order multiple pairs at a time!). 


Next, I sat down and pulled together a few resources.  My main resources included a Hal Higdon training plan and “Hanson’s Marathon Method.”  My original plan was to do a 16 week training plan after a four week period of “base building” at 20-25 miles a week.  

BUUUTTTT….

Then my doctor told me that after months of trying non-surgical alternative treatments, shoulder surgery was going to be needed after all.

Sooooo….

 EVERYTHING went “on hold.”  Besides stressing out to the max, I started preparing for surgery in every possible way.  How you might ask?  Well, I took out all my loose/tube top/stretchy clothing and had it all folded in piles by my bed (easy to get without opening/closing drawers) and put away clothing that I would not be wearing for awhile.  I also laid things out on the bathroom counter top (again, the less to open, move, etc. the BETTER after surgery).  Yes my mom would have to dress me anyway, but at least it didn’t take long to find what I needed.  Other than those little logistical things, I ran some errands and wrote some letters too--since my writing hand would be on "vacay." 

My motto was, “hope for the best, plan for the worst.” 

Going into surgery I had to give up my plan to run Boston. (Hence the ? in the title) Yes, it was hard, but sometimes life is hard. I could throw a “woe is me” pity party or I could deal with the reality in front of me with a positive attitude.  I didn’t know how long I wouldn’t be cleared to run…but that was not priority.  Healing was the priority. 

My marathon "training" had begun laying in a hospital bed throwing up...



BUT within a week of surgery I was going to the gym (sling and all), walked on the treadmill, biked, and did squats.  I wanted to keep my legs strong so they would be able to run when I was cleared to.  Honestly knowing that Boston was still even a small possibility kept me motivated to work hard towards healing.  Annnd eventually...

“I’d be ok if you went out and tried to run a mile and see how it feels…”

YIPPPPEEEEEE!!!

(I got home from that appointment and put on my running shoes ASAP!  One mile is basically the same as SIX right?! Still not great at the whole “moderation” thing!)




My shoulder was a little sore at first...not in pain at all, just a general ache.  Boston was BACK on the table.  Yes, it would not be the complete training cycle I had planned or hoped for, but I didn’t care.  I was not going to injure myself by trying to make up for lost time.  But then came the challenge of “sooo now where do I start and how do I work with this shortened timeline?” 

The first few weeks I just tried to build my base back again.  I was running about 25-30 miles a week before surgery, so I pretty much jumped back in at this mileage.  My body has a long history of activity/running, so it was able to handle this "jumping into training again" quickly.  HOWEVER, I was EXTREMELY careful to sense if my body needed a break.  The MAIN goal was to make it to Boston HEALTHY, not injured. 

I've trained enough to know (and have learned the hard way enough) that you start to put yourself at risk for injuries when you increase mileage AND intensity.  Both need to be increased at a slow pace.  Since my training time frame was now MUCH more limited, l determined that I was still going to increase my mileage pretty quickly, BUT as a result, my intensity (hill/speed) training would have to be limited more than I would have hoped.  This is life and this is how you adjust...Things don't (and rarely do) go as planned...

In the first few weeks I had a 6 day run, 1 day rest pattern...but soon it was evident to me that I needed a 5 day run, 2 day rest pattern (one of these rest days was an easy cycle day). 

For past triathlon training/running training, I have found this basic format to work well for me (not that I've really tried much else):

Monday: Speed Interval/Tempo run(treadmill)
Tuesday: Easy run
Wednesday: Hill run (treadmill)
Thursday: Easy cycle
Friday: Easy or Pace run 
Saturday: Long run (sometimes with rolling hills)
Sunday: REST!

Other than this basic run format, I also made sure to do core work everyday as well as foam rolling.  PT for my shoulder was 3x a week and I did hip/leg strength work on Tuesdays and Thursdays (think "pistol squats" ...my arch nemesis!).  I also try to do yoga a few times a week depending on my schedule--so good for my hips that get craaaazy tight at times. 

I had have issues on and off with my legs.  The accident pushed my hips out of alignment and I have work done biweekly to help treat the issues as well as help my body "straighten out" again.  The body does what it's supposed to do--when there is injury, other parts of your body start to compensate.  Now I'm trying to reverse this compensation...

I ended up peaking at about 55 miles a few weeks ago, and started to taper last week.  It blows my mind that the race is only a week away. To be honest, I am starting to get nervous. I'm starting to doubt my ability to run THAT far.  I'm starting to become afraid of the hills.  I'm starting to obsess with checking the weather report.

BUT when I think back on everything that has happened this year, my gratitude to be able to experience this race far outweighs my fears and insecurities about it.  I run out of enjoyment, and next Monday there will be "a smile on my face and a song in my heart" (LT swimming shout-out!) no matter what happens.  I will have FUN and be grateful for every fast, slow, hard, easy, hilly, down-hilly second of it ALL!

BOSTON HERE I COME!!!!

Friday, October 7, 2016

A Tribute to Grandpa Lundy


This morning my mom got the call that she had been dreading for some time.  Her father (my grandfather) had passed away last night.  We are all grieving at this time, but we are joyful knowing that because of His faith in Jesus Christ, he is in Heaven worshiping his savior. 


Dear Grandpa,  
In the last few years, I’ve seen you suffer.  I’ve seen you lose hope.  I’ve seen you lose strength.  I’ve seen you say goodbye.  Goodbye to the house that brought you enjoyment.  Goodbye to your daughter and grandchildren who moved away.  Goodbye to the wife that was too far in her illness to remain living with you. 

My heart breaks, thinking of you and the man you were.  The husband you were, the father you were, the grandfather you were.  Selfishly, I wish you didn’t leave.  I wish you could have seen more of my life unfold.  The house I will live in.  The career path I’ll follow.  The man I will marry. 

But instead, I think back to my fondest memories that I will cherish forever.  The stories I’ll tell my kids one day.

I remember coming to your house in LaGrange Park, IL.  You always had Breyer’s Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream.  You would scoop me a bowl and when I finished, you would always say, “Want some more?  As a five year old, the notion that endless servings of ice cream were possible made you my superhero.  Then we would watch Mr. Rogers together and I would tell you that you looked exactly like him. You agreed!

And how could I forget going to your house by Lake Michigan every weekend in the summer?  You and Grandma took me to the beach, and I would make you play “guess that stroke” (I would swim a stroke and have them slap the water when they knew what it was hahaha!).  Then we would grill out and I would sit with you as we shucked corn on the patio.  

And how could I forget your coffee drinking habits that I have completely inherited from you? Whenever I went abroad, I would bring you back some coffee for you to enjoy.  When you were in the hospital, I would stop by Panera or Dunkin Donuts to bring you that cup o’ joe (with a pecan roll which I knew was your favorite!)

And how could I forget listening to you tell me stories about falling in love with Grandma?  Once, making a romantic dinner for you and Grandma to enjoy.  You got dressed up and danced together to the music we had playing.  I giggled and took pictures of you and Grandma holding hands and embracing.  When I thought of your marriage, I thought of true love. 

I will never forget Grandpa, I will never forget.

Even though we will never see each other again on this side of heaven, I have peace knowing that you are in a better place. You don’t have to suffer anymore, and every tear is being wiped from your eyes. 


I love you and I miss you. 

Your Granddaughter,

Kim


Tuesday, August 9, 2016

Plan God

The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.
Proverbs 16:9



(Warning: This post is up and down much like the emotional roller coaster called life. As I write, I process things. Yes, it is a little scattered, but this is just my heart. Follow if you can haha! Good luck-you'll need it!)
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The plan was simple, clear, straightforward.  I was going to graduate with my teaching degree in December, be a substitute from January until June, and then move out and apply for a full time classroom position for the 2016 school year staring in August.

If only life always went “according to plan”…

In January I ended up applying for a tutoring position for a private company that provides classes with the equestrian community/students. It was AMAZING in so many ways. I enjoyed it very much-probably more than I would have enjoyed substituting at local schools. I got to build great relationships with the students I taught, and my coworkers/bosses were awesome too! THEN the school year ended-yay for being a teacher with SUMMER BREAK! I started getting serious about applying for full time teaching positions.  I got my eligibility filed and transcripts as I attempted to get my ducks in a row (and anyone who knows me knows that I like my ducks “single file, facing front, no talking…OH WAIT, that’s how I like my STUDENTS to be ;) BUT THEN, I found an interesting international teaching job in which I would spend a few months abroad...But I was still hesitant to go away from the plan. 

And THEN my world was flipped upside down (quite literally actually) when I was hit by a car. 



July 1st changed my life.   I’m still not sure the extent of the repercussions of the accident.  I JUST got my test results back to see what is wrong with my right shoulder.  My clavicle is fractured, the ligaments around the clavicle are sprained, and the rotator cuff is torn.  We are approaching the injury with non-surgical methods first (physical therapy and such) and going from there to make decisions about surgery. Being that this is all “accident related,” it’s not like I can decide in a few years that I’m having too many problems and would like to go through with the operation.  It wouldn’t be covered then.  Sooo it makes the decision a little harder feeling like there is more of a time limit.

Even a simple question like "How are you?" or "So what are you doing now?" is SO INCREDIBLY LOADED right now.  I have to start from the "Well..I did yada yada yada...and then I got hit by a car on my bike...and now my life is changing on a daily basis."  Last week I started going to dr appointments for my leg as well. I ignored it because my shoulder had more intense pain, but the discomfort in my leg has not gone away.  We still don't have results for that yet, but surgery might even be a possibility there too.  And that's why I'm living ONE day at a time and taking it all as it comes-becuase it KEEPS changing! 

I feel SO CONFUSED, LOST, HOPELESS.  Not knowing where your body’s needs will be in a few months is terrifying (in some ways I feel like a “ticking time bomb”…is this what pregos feel like?! Haha!).  If I don’t have surgery, this whole accident will just be a few months of doctor visits, therapy, and many phone calls (and DON'T underestimate these: Lately I'm spending more than 10 hours a week with drs and/or in PT  right now! Yesterday I was there from 2-5pm ). If I do have surgery, I won’t be able to use one of my arms for months…which KIND OF affects teaching abilities (I know, it's not impossible, BUT I know myself and my limits and this would NOT be a wise decision FOR ME.  I could have finished college in 4 years, but I did it in 4.5 years to keep my sanity. Could doesn't equal should.)

Many, SO many tears have been shed. I cry wishing this nightmare was over.  I cry b/c I have lost what I thought I had: control. I cry having SO many conversations about the accident.  I just don't want to talk about it all.the.time. but it has consumed my life. I'm trying to figure it ALL out.  Trying to make a decision about what to pursue without enough information to make a decision.  And being in education, this is CRUNCH time to the MAX as the school year starts. I need to decide NOW!! Like yesterday actually!  I want things to be VERY flexible…you know, in case I need to be out for a few months or have limited use of my arm like tutoring again or being a subsitute.  My previous bosses recently contacted me to ask if I would like to be on the team of teachers again, and  I have decided to tutor with hours that would allow me to go to PT daily.  I might (NOT going to say "plan to") do this for a few months until I make surgery decision(s). I also talked with a few teachers and looked into sub positions-possibly "long term" sub positions so I could teach the same students daily, but still have surgery if needed in a few months without worrying about a classroom while trying to recover. In this way, this might be the best time to have surgery as opposed to any time in the future if I had a full time job, family, etc.  It's hard to have "options" but it makes it easier in a way.  And for that (and parents that are helping me work through this all), I am incredibly thankful. 

I have mourned.  I still mourn.  Knowing that this year won’t look at all like I planned it to look.

Honestly, right now I need people to just listen and understand that I am trying to make the best decisions I can in this situation.  I need to take care of my body before I worry about my career. Those "plans" are on hold right now. Health has been the priority: going to doctor appointments, therapy, etc.  AND not stressing about it. I've handled anxiety with poor methods in the past, and I'm working on better methods this time. Lliterally, my blood pressure was through the roof during jury duty last week (grreeaaat timing on that one..NOT)!  My face was so flushed, and my chest had so much pressure I had to keep taking big breaths I thought I was going to pass out!)

And much like the Psalm 13 written by David, here is where my despair turns to hope. "How long must I have sorrow in my heart?" becomes "I will sing to the Lord." 

The other day, I was driving, thinking and crying about how MY plans have fallen apart, and it hit me: I make SO many plans in LIFE.  We ALL do.  We have plan A, plan B…all the way to plan double-z if you’re like me. BUT GOD HAS ONE PLAN. Period.  He doesn’t need a back-up plan.  This did not surprise him.  This is HIS plan for my life…even if it doesn’t make sense to me now…OR EVER. But His plan is ALWAYS the best plan.  And I can rest in Him knowing that!  So now, and for the rest of my life, I’m on “Plan God.”


The verse at the top of the page has been my favorite verse since I was 15.  At the time, it reminded me that I will have desires, and dreams, and hopes in life, and God will be along side me-guiding those desires, and dreams and hopes.  I don’t claim to be a theologian, but as I was driving, I realized that it’s not just about the things I MYSELF pursue-because man will pursue his plans, it’s also about the circumstances we encounter in life.  God is the true author of our story.  God is the one refining our faith through different “steps” in life.  I have a passion to teach.  I believe it is a calling. And God has given me the gifts and abilities to pursue that passion and follow His calling.  BUT how and when and where I end up teaching are all in His plan and His timing (and I could even add IF to the list-not to be morbid, but each day is a GIFT…getting hit by an SUV will remind you that in case you forgot).  I once heard a pastor say that we often write up our plans to God and then hand them to Him  (in prayer) and expect Him to sign off and approve so we can be on our way while believing that we are following him.  In reality, we need to be handing God a blank piece of paper, allowing Him to have complete and free reign over what is written.  Then HE hands it back to us and we can commit to following His plan.  WOW!  Seven years later this sermon has stuck with me.


Now it’s one thing to understand that this is all part of God’s plan, but it is another thing to continually thank Him and find gratitude in this situation.  When I was interviewed for the school newspaper as a Senior at Asbury and asked about my college swimming career, I was asked, “What is one thing you have learned about yourself during your time at Asbury?”  My response was: I’ve learned that the ONE thing I can control in life is my attitude. Over the past few years I’ve faced many challenges both in and out of the pool.  I can’t always control what happens, but I can control my response and attitude toward a situation.  How we react to a circumstance is a choice that we make (for the full article click here)




This is the peace and the joy God allows us to have that “transcends all understanding.”  The choice that we have to trust God with a joyful heart and a thankful spirit.  Even though my heart doesn’t always feel it, I have been THANKING God for this time of uncertainty and pain.  It allows me to experience His comfort in ways that I wouldn’t have without the trial.  It allows me to put my trust in Him when the ground I walk on is shaking.  It is NOT to make me a better version of myself, BUT instead, making me more like Christ. I KNOW that God is refining my faith because He loves me and He knows what's best for me.


When we first moved to FL, I was devastated. BUT God has been so faithful and when I look back and see how hard it has been (and still is) to adjust here, I hope that one day this will help me with the new students in my class.  The students that don’t know anyone or anything yet.  The ones that are trying to find their footing in a new place and are starting from scratch.  I will be able to relate to those students in ways that I would have never been able to before. I’ll have a different heart from those students then I would have had if my family was never relocated. I’ll “get it.” Even the ability to reach ONE student that I wouldn’t have been able to without experiencing the same struggle, I would move a hundred times over again

Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance,and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. (Romans 5:3-5)

Right now, I’m going through some “growing pains” as my faith matures.  I’m learning to find comfort and rest in an uncomfortable position.  Patient endurance in the midst of pain-It’s basically what I train to do on a daily basis thanks to the lovely sport of triathlon…box o’ pain baby!...I mean, sitting on a bike saddle for 6+ hours is not the most comfortable of things..Who knew, right?!  I know, CRAZY :P  "Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."  SoI'm learning to "dance in the rain." (And yes, the pic below could be me...my umbrella is PINK!)  And when I "go outside," I realize that the rain is really just a drizzle.  I am still SO INCREDIBLY BLESSED.  I have SO MUCH to be thankful for.  Yes, it's a hard time...a really hard time, BUT I still have the ONE thing that matters in LIFE: A relationship with Jesus Christ. 




Below are the lyrics to "Strangely Dim" by Francesca Battistelli.  Reminding me just to trust right now.  Not losing hope, not losing faith, not taking my eyes off Jesus, but instead CHOOSING to trust "PLAN GOD."


I've got all these plans piled up sky high
A thousand dreams on hold
And I don't know why,
I got a front row seat
To the longest wait
And I just can't see
Past the things I pray
Today

But when I fix my eyes on all that You are
Then every doubt I feel
Deep in my heart
Grows strangely dim
All my worries fade
And fall to the ground
Cause when I seek Your face
And don't look around
Any place I'm in
Grows strangely dim

Sometimes where I stand
On this narrow road
Is in a raging storm
Or a valley low
But oh oh oh oh oh oh

When I fix my eyes on all that You are
Then every doubt I feel
Deep in my heart
Grows strangely dim
All my worries fade
And fall to the ground
Cause when I seek Your face
And don't look around
Any place I'm in
Grows strangely dim

I don't know, I don't know
What tomorrow may hold
But I know, but I know
That You're holding it all
So no matter what may come

I'm gonna fix my eyes on all that You are
'Til every doubt I feel
Deep in my heart
Grows strangely dim
Let all my worries fade
And fall to the ground
I'm gonna seek Your face
And not look around
Til the place I'm in
Grows strangely, strangely, strangely dim.